From a Concerned Female Cosplayer

Xarin

A girl who likes art, crafts, and cosplay. She sells handmade items and accessories at her online store, Three Smitten Kittens.

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35 Responses

  1. Maya says:

    I don’t know you, but THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS!

    I often see posts like that on event pages, and I’d usually find such posts creepy. While I can’t automatically dismiss everyone who does that as having pervy intentions, t’s hard not to jump to that conclusion. I noticed that, most of the time, if someone’s looking for a pic of a guy or a child cosplayer, the caption tends to go along the lines of, “Can anyone identify this cosplayer? I really admired the cosplay but I didn’t get to ask the name!” But then if it’s a good-looking female cosplayer, it tends to be, “Sino itong magandang ito? Gusto ko sana siya kilalanin.” So… yeah.

    One rule of thumb that people can go by is to ask themselves, “If I do this outside of a con, would I be considered creepy?” If so, then refrain from doing it! It’d be rude and invasive to post a pic of a cute girl you saw in a mall, in the hopes of getting her contact info. Why should it be any different in cosplay?

    • kageshoujo says:

      Thank you too~! (I’m actually an invisible person who doesn’t attend cons too much (or attends them often but not in costume XDD)

      I do find those posts very creepy, and even somewhat rude. I think there’s a tasteful way to do it, like the example you gave. But it seems most the guys who share the photos of female cosplayers and look for them tend to say something creepy instead.

      It’s really different kasi online, so most guys don’t gather the guts to talk in person and rely on these ways instead. You’re right about that rule of thumb. Just because someone cosplays doesn’t mean she likes being a public entity.

      (Of course in the other hand there are others who like these sorts of things and think they are ‘romantic’ and it works for them. To each their own, pero let’s not assume everyone will feel that way. If I were the girl I would be offended.)

  2. baaatis says:

    I sometimes do those “lost and found” advertisements at event pages online, but it’s because of people who say “ate pa-tag nalang sa FB” or “ate ita-tag ko nalang po kayo” pero I don’t know them or their FB accounts. I know that putting those up has a risk of being manyak-ed and mabastos and all, but I do it for the photos’ sake. There’s als this issue regarding perv congoers/photographers, so whenever people ask to take picture, I ask them to let me look at their shot. You’ll never know where your panty shots might go (it’s not that I don’t wear shorts, but still haha)
    It’s feels good to know that I’m not the only one who notices stuffs like these. o_o

    Like every other cosplayer, I’ve been in different cos groups, and you had a point with the “divided” shit stuff. There was this time that I’ve been in 3 big groups, and the reason it fell apart was because our group (mostly online-based) was becoming a haven for “chix” hunting and posting. *blech* No offense to cosplayers who portray sexy characters, but here ARE some individuals who attend cons in sexy outfits just to reap lots of boys, without fully understanding what they’re getting into. That’s another reason why there are a lot of fapboys at cons. Just for those girls. -_- *kroo*
    Same as you, I’m not really a people-hater person, but people should know common courtesy, especially at events such as cosplay events :)>-

    • kageshoujo says:

      I do look for specific people in pages; I post my album and give my share, and let them find it. I have been taken pics of a looott, but I barely find any online in the event pages. As I recommended here, giving cards has been the solution for me. I give a coscard with my details if I’m interested in seeing a photo, and when/if photographers do the same it’s just so much easier. As for the photos I just go on a personal photoshoot so I have copies of my own so I don’t have to consider not finding my pics “a loss”.

      Of course it’s bothersome to think that somewhere out there some person you don’t know has a photo of you, and don’t share it on events pages either. o.O

      I don’t ask to look at their shots, but there are some that do voluntarily show me, which I think is pretty nice. If I’m in a short/sexy costume, I don’t agree to pose when I see that the person is taking a pic at a low angle or anything that can make the shot pervy, and legit photogs won’t even try to put you in awkward poses.

      “That’s another reason why there are a lot of fapboys at cons. Just for those girls. ” – I see this at a lot of albums/comments from random strangers. It’s sad to see a con or cosplay group being seen by some as a “chix hunting” place. Romances do happen and are great within the community, but it’d be awesome if it were born out of a friendship/compatibility rather than purposely seeing cosplay and cons as a way to get girls, or getting the attention of boys

      It’s ok being interested in a person, but I think at some point if you share around a pic of her, saying you love her and stuff, you put pressure on the girl. It’s like a “flash mob” as one of my friends said, suddenly putting the spotlight on her and you more or less leave the girl with no decision. There’s a trending post like that today in the local cosplay circle and I’m sad there are a lot encouraging it/sharing it. We feel bad for the girl. I don’t know her and she may like the attention, but I don’t want the community to think that this is acceptable for everyone. You’re right about common courtesy.

  3. Kei D says:

    Thumbs up for this post!

    well definitely the “guys” who often ask “Sinong cosplayer yan, she so cute i want to add her blah blah ang sexy blah blah” are those who are faptards, jejetards or definitely you can say retard. Spreading this will realize those creepy creatures to have have guts to ask the cosers directly what is their name so on and so fort

    you will differentiate who is a CERTIFIED OTAKU from those comments you will see

    SALUTE FOR YOU

    • kageshoujo says:

      Thankies! Salute to you as well~

      I hope those guys, if they do ask finally get the guts to ask a cosplayer in person, also learn to ask properly! It’s also creepy when someone also asks immediately for your number!

  4. I have a niece, who since, have ‘graduated’ from cosplaying because college is so demanding, she just had to lay low for a while. As an ex-animator, gfx artists and now komiks author and illustrator, I know what you guys are feeling about being oggled. Sincerely, boys will be boys, and don’t be coy about being suplada or wary, you girls have the right to keep your distance. A boy will ask in person if he truly wants to be friends. The rest are just fanboys and well, just to timid ans skittish and not worth your time.

    • kageshoujo says:

      Thanks for commenting.

      I’m an occasional cosplayer and for the most part just go to cons as an ordinary person. It’s never been more obvious to me of how much being in costume makes. It makes you, temporarily, a public figure. So some think it’s ok to be “feeling close” or to ask for your personal details. It’s ok to some and some females actually want to achieve that level of attention… But I just hope the rest of the community doesn’t think that because it’s OK to some and that’s what some strive for, doesn’t mean it’s ok for everyone.

      And yeah, if you love someone based on his/her being a cosplayer, that doesn’t really seem like a good basis of a relationship. You still don’t know what kind of person he/she is when they’re not in costume.

  5. Nice article. Quite enlightening.
    It’s good to know other people’s opinions where we can learn from so mistakes we don’t even realize.

    I’m frequent con-goer and a part of a group that covers such events.

    I can’t say I’m a Photographer for I consider myself not qualified to called as such, but I do love taking pictures especially if it’s related to cosplaying and I’ve met a lot of different kinds of people and some of them we became friends with.

    Aside from taking pictures of the venue, I also roam around and look for Cosers and take pictures of them as many as possible, male/female, as long as they give Justice to the character they’re portraying or their Costume is really well made.

    Most of the time, I limit myself to 1min per Coser “para makarami” or up until I get the shot I wanted. There are times when I just join in to a horde of photographers taking pictures of a Coser, but most of the time I wait for my chance and let them finish first then ask the Coser for a short 1-on-1 shoot so his/her attention is directed only to me and my camera. Afterwards I just say “Thank you” with a smile.

    By the end of the day, I usually have managed to take a minimum of 100 shots as to our supposed quota.
    Then at home, do some post-productions and minor edits before uploading them to our page. We share the albums to different cosplay pages/groups on Facebook for the purpose that cosers that we manage to get pictures and see our shots of them, or people who knows the Cosers so that they can “Tag” them on it.

    On each album, we indicated and ask the viewers to “Tag” the Cosers if they know them or atleast comment their fanpages if they have one. If we did manage to get the information about the Cosers we took pictures of, we treat it as confidential information and if we get to meet them again on another event, given the chance we personally introduce ourselves and our group to them.

    With this pattern, so far it is the most effective way we can see to promote our work and our group, and meet new awesome people in the community.

    I don’t know if I being creepy to follow such pattern, but so far we haven’t receive any bad remarks with it, but it would be nice if we were to be informed of it if there are such problems so that we can think of ways to improve on how we can properly interact.

    Yuuki Seishiro [GENESIS.ph]
    http://www.facebook.com/nykegenesis/

    • kageshoujo says:

      I don’t think your methods are creepy at all! This post specifically goes out to lovesick fans (mostly fanboys) who share pics of (lady) cosplayers around because they want to be “friends”/want their number/fell in-love with her at first sight.

      I definitely think sharing your take of photos to cosplay communities and groups is a good thing. You know cosplayers often want to see their pics, haha! And it answers our curiosities of whatever happened to the many pics people took of us–where they ended up and such.

      I think your method works fine, so it’s no wonder no one gets upset with you over it. If I’d have a suggestion, I do so point out to what I described in the post–it’s always cool to give small notes or business cards/thank you cards to the cosplayers you took photos of, so they at least know where they can go to see your photos. Not all cosplayers are active in the online community, and some keep to themselves (I know I do). If they have the website/page that they can immediately go to, it’s increased traffic or likes for your page/site as well. It gives benefit to both parties. I’ve only seen a handful (I think 3 so far) who did this for me and I must say I’ve always found it thoughtful.

      Thanks!

  6. Posted 2011 and read this only now. I thought I was the only one noticing these shenanigans going about the cosplay community. This is another reason why it should never be mainstreamed, or put up in common medias. People would always think “lot’s of cute girls there, let’s try and “be friends” with them. Impure intentions I tell you. What, masabi mo lang na may cosplayer gf ka?

    I commend you for the time and effort to make such an entry. May more people be enlightened to what is really happening in our community. I already did the same but only reached a few people. Thanks for having this uploaded.

    • kageshoujo says:

      I posted this in 2011 after the incidents I described in the post. I really don’t think anyone has ever addressed the issue that those that aren’t really into cosplay have tended to see the cosplay community as a “place to meet hot girls”. I re-shared now since I saw recently another photo of a girl being shared around local cosplay groups, with the original person who uploaded it pleading for the girl’s identity, saying he “fell in-love at first sight”. I thought it was quite rude and if I would be offended/embarrassed if I were said girl, and was sad that the community actually shared the photo around. I don’t want them to think it’s OK to do that.

      I think there are benefits to mainstreaming of cosplay. It became easier to connect with fellow fans, etc. However with the mainstreaming also comes negative things like you said. I get a lot of people (strangers) adding me up in my personal fb account and telling me to accept their requests “para may friend na ako na cosplayer”

      Thank you too, Christian.

  7. Homuro akemi says:

    well i have to comment this but this guy needs to man up, not just post it in the facebook and get some help ya know, he needs to man up think what to do on how to get her to you.

    besides the only key to get a girl are three things

    -charisma
    -Kindness
    -Loyalty

    well i just commented just to give some advice although finding a otaku girlfriend is somekind hard ya know~

  8. 765th Special Guardian Unit, Mishima Zaibatsu Operator says:

    The guys who use cute girls as reasoning for ID matching and con-going is T**G*NA THIS!-worthy reasoning. I always ask politely for their names and online links, if any, and if permissible, then get going. Hanggang follow lang ako, anything more is T**G*NA THIS!-inducing trains of logic.

  9. yeah that rights nice post dapat pumunta ka sa cosplay dahil anime fanataic ka hindi dahil gusto mangchicks(at kung type mo sya kausapin mo yung girl at makipagkaibigan ka sa personal di yung mag-iistalk ka sa kanya) I salute to you mam

  10. Ronnel Galag says:

    Nice Article. Your post was right. There a lot of pervs who are calling themselves “Otaku and Cosplay Fanatic” and they have such rude motive. For short, Jejemons.

    Well, when I meet and got pictures with some girl cosplayers, I’d rather to meet with her for 2-5 conventions along with my true cosplay friends and ask her for her FB account with simplicity, humility and friendly. And I admit I like a certain beautiful cosplayer. But I always managed to create a gap for me because I don’t want to be a pervy person on a cosplay convention and I want to respect her and other people. But still, for 3 years of friendship with her, I couldn’t really convey my feelings towards her not because of the gap I made…. but I think it wasn’t the time for it.

    I want to share this to my friends… More power to you 🙂

    • kageshoujo says:

      Thanks for the comment. For me, even with people I just want to be friends with–I only ask their name and details after we’ve seen each other often. Best of luck with the female you’re talking about! It’s good to be friends first unlike the others who immediately see female cosplayers as girlfriend prospects. It’s good to know who the person is, cosplay aside, first. We all act like different people, to some degree, when we’re not in costume.

      • Ronnel Galag says:

        Well, yeah. I do hope we could meet in some conventions and be friends 🙂 Thanks for the encouragement.

        • kageshoujo says:

          I usually go to conventions not in costume and don’t stay too long, so I honestly doubt you’d recognize me even if I was right in front of you XD. I’m cool and friendly as long as the person isn’t creepy/OA. No prob~ All the best.

  11. theepicjar says:

    Gentlemen, you know what women like?

    Balls.

    If you like her, show some interest and ask for her number AFTER the conversation is finished.

  12. Lady Skull says:

    I actually experienced this.
    I never met this guy at all, sa con lang kami nagkakita. Tapos he found my FB and for some reason, tried to befriend me. Holy fucking shit, after less than 30 minutes he asks if I can be his girlfriend and he confessed on FB because ‘torpe’ issues in RL. Mind you, he doesn’t even know my real name, nor anything. -__- I told him ‘NO.’ And he persists that he’ll introduce himself and so. I was 15 that time, he’s 18.
    So girls, if an annoying maniac does this to you, tell him to ____ off and block him. -__-

    • kageshoujo says:

      OH MY GOD. That was… wow. Wow. 30 minutes?
      Hmm, I suppose that’s not surprising kasi there are some “torpe” guys out there who are convinced you’re their soulmate after just seeing you once in costume. Hope he’s no longer bugging you. Probably fell in-love with another woman he say in costume once, or hopefully manned up.

      • Lady Skull says:

        Lol. Good thing he isn’t now.
        He tried with two accounts.
        Blocked him then BOOM! Never saw him again and never accepted friend requests without at least 5-10 mutual friends. I told him I am not interested and wished he ____ off for good.
        But it was pathetic. Relationship before getting to know each other well is a big no no. It’s like he sees me as an Eyeball mate. Q___Q

        • kageshoujo says:

          Even with mutual friends I don’t even accept unless the person isn’t familiar with me. You know with cosplayers, it’s easy to “collect” mutual friends as long as you keep adding everyone. Even some that have been proven to be scam/fake accounts still build up enough mutual friends when they just add everyone they see.
          Glad to know you’re not being bothered now. I’ve heard of worse though, like immediate proposals of marriage and the guy saying he’s convinced they should marry already. Hehe.

  13. Lady Skull says:

    It’s a blessing he doesn’t.
    And his reason for being my boyfriend is pathetic.
    Because he wants us to be cospartners. Like $%@&, why force me to be Juvia? So what kung ‘babagay’? >:C

    • kageshoujo says:

      That’s ridiculous. Even being a cospartner, not a boyfriend, still needs a lot of trust and familiarity. It still can’t be just anyone you meet. I barely cosplay but when I do and want a partner, it’s always my brother accompanying me. We trust each other and can be goofy together. And kailangan boyfriend bago maging cospartner? D:<

      • Lady Skull says:

        YES.
        That’s why I went inactive on FB for a while until I had the guts to black him.
        This is the reason why I prefer crossplayers.

  14. Paki-alis po yung picture na naka color blue na chikara hat.. pati po ako nasisira dahil sa jan eh, nananahimik po ako, ok??? ^^

    • kageshoujo says:

      Hi~ Yup, I took it down. Sorry if it inconvenienced you. I wrote this two years ago and it just suddenly went viral so I didn’t expect a lot of people to see it. I hope you commented here and talked to me directly about it instead of making a rant, kasi I clearly said in the end that I’d delete the photo and that it has nothing to do with the caption.

      Also the blog is not about cosplay pervs, it’s about boys who can’t make a move when they’re with the cosplayer in person, but instead inaasa lahat sa online posts na paawa-effect para hanapin yung girl. A lot of people do that.

      Did you know that if you saw the full photo of that particular pic, I was actually beside you in cosplay? It’s a nice copy. It’s funny you think I’m fake.

      Sorry for the inconvenience it caused. I deleted it na if you haven’t checked. Have a nice evening~

      • Nhize Oraiz says:

        At some point, totoo yung sinasabi mo, and that’s the reason why I became inactive in attending cons. 🙁

        btw, Ako po yung kasama nung nagcomment sa taas. 🙂

  15. Tifa says:

    Hello, Xarin! Although it’s been 4 years, I never forgot this post. 😀 I commented here as Maya before. I’m working on a thesis about cosplayers’ practices on online social media, and I think this post might be worth citing. I’m not yet quite sure if I will end up using it, and which parts I will requote, but just in case – may I have your permission to cite this post anyway, as well as your post about the frustrating things that con photographers do (http://threesmittenkittens.com/2013/12/16/frustrating-things-cosplay-con-photographers-do/)? Thank you!

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